Wednesday, March 30, 2011

True Lies

Subsequent generations wondered how much more brilliant a scholar she might have been had she not devoted her youth to drunken debauchery in Siberia. Fruitless attempts to visualize these crops of genius gone with brain cells lost puzzled as well as disgusted succeeding schools of thought.

Yesterday in in my class “Folklore Theory” we discussed folk-belief and legends. Back in the days, there was a famous Swedish folklorist, C. W. von Sydow, who first collected stories about folk-beliefs from the ‘people’ out in the field, and then decided that the material he had acquired needed to be classified, categorized, and systematized. It had to be explained according to ‘what’ it really was. Often when he was out and about in the country side listening to people tell their stories – in my mind, I see him wondering rural areas of Sweden sometime in the 1920s or early 1930s – he would come across narratives containing elements of the supernatural, i.e. fragments of folk-belief, that began like “I saw…” or “This happened to me…”, or “I heard…” and “This happened to my father/neighbor/friend…”. Folklorist von Sydow decided that these stories must be based on personal experience, that in some way they resemble memories of a sort; thusly he named this folklore genre memorate. He also came up with a bunch of other genres and sub-genres – working the same magic on folk traditions that Carl von Linné had previously worked on biology – but what stuck with folklore theory was the memorate: narratives about a personal experience involving interactions with the supernatural. Later this genre was to lead to much confusion, or perhaps not confusion – but rather a rude awakening leading one field of the humanities to come face to face with the human construct that is our culture. As folk-belief and legends were being continuously collected all over the world – not only in rural Sweden – during the remainder of the 20th century it became increasingly clear to several scholars that the so-called memorates had very little to do with personal experience. Rather, it was revealed to be a genre that demanded a narrative disguising itself as personal. One Finnish folklorist tried to understand why his favorite informant could not produce any legend-based narrative that was more than four times removed from her – i.e. the furthest source from her memorates could be only “the friend of a friend”. For a long time, it did not occur to folklorists that people lie.

For von Sydow it must have been unthinkable that his informants were displacing the actual agent behind the narrative on purpose. Yet, the genre itself demands this displacement. The genre itself – let us still call it ‘memorate’ even though it has nothing to do neither with personal experience nor personal memory – is confined within a [cultural/social/historical, i.e. belonging to a value-based world-view] context that works according to the simple principle of inclusion and exclusion: inclusion of belief and exclusion of disbelief. In form, the memorate strives toward believability. For example, when retelling an encounter with a ghost that one has heard from someone else and which in that version was about a third or even fourth party, the narrator must cut out one or several links in order to fulfill the genre’s interior desire for credibility. Yesterday in class I tried to illustrate this point with the following story from my own life [containing several instances of genre-appropriating displacement as well, of course]: when I was 10 years old, I heard the urban legend “The Boyfriend’s Death” while at summer camp. I remember that it was told at night, while a group of us were out walking in the woods in the dark, and the narrator emphasized that we were ‘in the vicinity of where it had happened’. A year later, I was once again at summer camp and a group of us were once again out walking the woods at night in the dark – a summer camp tradition of scaring each other so as to create a need for protection which in itself stirs a sense of community – and the same tale was told. This time, however, it had happened near to where this summer camp was located. I realized that “The Boyfriend’s Death” was a ‘spökhistoria’, as they are called in Swedish, or in English simply: a spooky story. Many years later, when I was in Russia and found myself one evening in a story-telling setting where we were sharing experiences of the supernatural or the scary [or both!], I was asked if I had anything. Even though “The Boyfriend’s Death” is such a famous legend – I heard it at every summer camp I ever attended and at slumber parties as well – I reckoned that since this is in deep provincial Russia and because the Iron Wall of the Soviet years protected this society from such Western influences, they have probably not heard it before. When I told it, however, I did not start with “One time, at summer camp…”. If the memorate is to be successful, it prerequisites displacement and relocation; it doesn’t have to be about the narrator, but the narrator is to have heard it from one of the actual agents of the narrative. Thus, in my rendition of “The Boyfriend’s Death” this horrific incident had happened to one of my friends back home in Sweden not too long ago. At this, someone in the class reacted: “But weren’t you afraid that they’d call you out on it?” Once again, the genre saves you here: told properly – and telling tales like these is not for everyone – the memorate becomes believed and in the same instance fulfills its function. Legends are not ‘tales of truth’; legends are ‘tales of concern’. The context which invited the legend to be shared in the first place is the same context which accepts it; where a legend might be doubted a legend is not told. It can only be a tale of concern if it receives the ‘seal of approval’ by the community; i.e. the ‘concern’ presented fits the value-based world-view of this particular society, and, subsequently, suits the presiding standards of its culture.

The most fascinating with all of the above is that von Sydow – and many folklorists as well as other scholars of the 20th century with him – did not recognize humanity’s fabulating instinct. Or, rather, the humanistic paradigm within which he worked [and within which many others worked, and – scary though it may be – still work today] did not allow for the idea that truth is not highest in hierarchy. To von Sydow – and all the others – truth was ‘the ultimate destination’ to which all verbal activity was heading, against which all human narrations could and should be measured. Folklorists constructed their theories on faulty foundations: that there is difference between truths and lies, that we can know the truth, and that lying is destructive, subversive, and – at the end of the day – a bad thing. Why must it be like that? What is hidden underneath this reverence of truth in our culture, beneath our continuous consumption of ‘based on a true story’ narratives, where is the cause for wanting to distinguish between ‘the real’ and ‘the unreal’? Why does it matter what ‘really happened’ and what ‘really did not happen’? “What is truth?” Pilate asked Jesus. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus is often given to – objectively speaking – absurd utterances. Yet, today nobody reading the New Testament would distinguish the nonsensical insanity contained within his claim that “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free” – nor would many modern day readers recognize the one fundamental rhetorical device of the Holy Scriptures which is here also inserted: an audience that does not understand, that misinterprets, and ultimately rejects. The reader is subconsciously already above someone – though not as high as Jesus, who knows the end of history – but already a hierarchy within the text has been established: the reader is smarter than the audience because the reader understands and accepts. The Holy Scriptures are filled with philological treasures like this; today, we can hardly grasp them anymore, like someone who can’t see the peculiarities, the scars, etc. of her or his own body once it has been seen enough times. The body becomes the perspective from which the world is viewed. The same is true for the Bible – it is meta-commentary not on what God is like, but what it is like to be human. Why can’t we ever decipher the words of Jesus? Because between us today and the ascendance of God’s son to Earth there are layers upon layers upon layers of human culture, human history, human society – and each layer has used as well as abused the previous, added and deleted from the previous, creating a remarkable palimpsest of incomprehensible information. The Word of God was supposed to be the Truth; not surprisingly humanity chose the last station of authority to be one thing impersonal and unattainable – language – and the other disguised as something else than what it is: law.

Truth is a result of a value-based world-view, not the cause of it. Every society needs to avoid taboo in order to survive; where there is property, everything connected to it will follow: borders, economies, legal procedures such as marriage and confirmation of incorrect/correct progeny, etc. Distinguishing between the truth and the lie becomes important in order to avoid taboo.

Nevertheless, human beings lie, have always lied, and will always continue to lie. Why do we lie? Why do we hide this natural urge behind lies – call them ‘concepts’ if you may – of truth? When I was a small child, I remember how one of my friends told me that her parents didn’t like that she spent so much time with me because I ‘lied so much’. I remember that all through my childhood, I would often have to force myself to tell the truth. The truth did not matter much too me; as a matter of fact, I don’t care for truth to this day. Already as a child, I suspected that the truth was a construct, and that things similar to it could easily be constructed in such a way that they would be taken for truth, i.e. believed. I still remember some of my best lies. The thrill was not in deceiving other people – the thrill was in seeing where my community had placed its imaginary moral and cultural borders, how far one could go before being forced back in the fold. How stretchable is our common realm of life? What are the normative limits of experience? I do believe that I learned more about people when I told lies then when I told the truth.

Not to mention how much I learned after my lies had been revealed as such!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Angst in Modernity

March 25th was Day of Birth for Critical Companion. We celebrated by first spending several hours strolling around in San Francisco’s splendid Museum of Modern Art. Here I am enjoying the view from one of the museum’s outside spaces.

For dinner we went to a cute and cozy little Italian restaurant where my Critical Companion decided that I can have wine – despite lent – as her Day of Birth this year was coincidentally also Marie bebådelsedag, a day on which during Orthodox lent one is allowed to have fish, if I’m not mistaken? According to the Bible, fish and wine [and bread] were equally liked by Jesus the Son of God, who incorporated them into His miracles on several occasions without ever really declaring any distinct hierarchy. Conclusion: yesterday I drank alcohol.

After walking the city for a while, we decided to go to a sweet-looking pastry shop for dessert: [my first] cannoli!

We finished the night with drinks – here I’m holding a martini – at a bar downtown which has a “hip vibe”, according to word on the street that directed us there. Yesterday was a great day. Today it is Saturday and I have woken up to the terrible realization that I must get to work today. Spring break is closing up….

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Viva la spring break!

At the beginning of Spring Break, I was reached by the news that my sister’s guinea pig, Snö [Snow], had recently passed away at the respectable age of 8 years. Naturally, I must honor this great animal on my blog! Here’s Snö with me in June 2004.

While looking around my computer for old pictures of Snö, I came across this one [I think it was edited for my website, because back in those days I cared about my website and also had the time to do so]. Rest in peace, my darling Snögubben.


My first ever spring break started out slowly with a rain-free Sunday stroll along San Francisco’s waterfront. After that it rained, rained, and rained…

…until today – Thursday – when the sun finally broke through the clouds after four days of non-stop rain.

And Berkeley’s almost empty campus showed itself from its best side.

This is what I see every morning when I go to work.
Yeah, life is pretty good and the view is pretty indeed.


Comrades, I wish every week was spring break! During last weekend, I spent several hours of a very lazy Saturday in bed – it was raining anyway – and finished reading “Anna Karenina” for the first time in my life. That was accomplishment number one of Spring Break 2011. On Sunday I don’t know what I did, because other than going to church in the morning and then walking the city and hitting the grocery store once I got back to East Bay, I don’t remember what I busied myself with that day. On Monday I finally went with my friend M. from Berkeley’s School of Journalism to the university’s gym – we’ve been talking about it for months now – for the first time in my life. Before this Monday, I had only been on a treadmill once in all of my life: when Mother bought me these fancy sneakers and I had to first try them out in the store back in Gothenburg this winter. Before this Monday, I had only vague memories of what gyms look like inside from my teenage years when I used to work out. Other than these ambiguous recollections, I did not really understand what people do there for hours on all of those scary-looking machines. I liked it. A lot. M. and I even lifted some weights, and got some guidance from one of the trainers on how to tone our abs in a better way. Going to the gym was accomplishment number two of Spring Break 2011. Mastering the treadmill on my third visit – yesterday I did 30 minutes of pure running – was accomplishment number three of Spring Break 2011. But I haven’t only been spending my transitory freedom at the gym this week. No, I have been coming to the department every day – except for today, when it rained so heavily in the morning that I decided I’d rather stay in bed with Shalamov all day long, which I did and retrospectively I feel very good about that choice as there has been several months since Varlam and I spent that kind of quality time with each other – of this week. Yesterday I finished my paper “Telling Tales, Singing Songs, and More Folklore from Prison: ‘Akul’ka’s Husband’ in Dostoevsky’s Notes from the Dead House”, which ultimately is written for the class on folklore theory that I’m taking this semester, but from which I’ll make a 20 minute presentation for the conference at Stanford on the 16th of April. I mailed the finished product both to my professor M. in Sweden as well as to my former academic guidance counselor A. in Yekaterinburg. I told A. that if he likes it – all of it is only 15 pages, though that’s not counting the 14 pages of appendix and the impressive 3 page bibliography – then I’ll translate it into Russian and publish it wherever he seems fit. Finishing my second paper at Berkeley was accomplishment number four of Spring Break 2011.
 
And then there are all of those things I did not do during Spring Break 2011: I did not even start on my mini-paper on “Anna Karenina” for this other class; I did not write an abstract for the Shalamov conference I’m attending in Russia in June; and I have yet to do any reading whatsoever for next week’s classes when reality will return. Eh, what can I say? Sometimes you got to take the time to relax. Tomorrow is a Day of Birth for two awesome people in my life: my lovely friend K. turns 25 in Sweden and my Critical Companion in Berkeley turns 23. Tomorrow I’m going to take my Critical Companion to San Francisco for the entire day – it will probably rain, but the MOMA is open and so is the pastry shop that has Bay Area’s best princess cake. Tomorrow will be a good day.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Bad Bildungsroman

It’s a woman’s world in today’s academia.

The other week, I and my Critical Companion were watching the Russian movie «Хрусталёв, машину!», and suddenly I commented: “This is like a bad bildungsroman – when you go where you shouldn’t have gone in the first place, see horrible things you shouldn’t have seen, and change in a way you never would’ve wanted to, and then you come back but realize you must go away again, and so it continues.” This is the description of what defines the literary genre of The Bad Bildungsroman. If you think about it, comrades, a huge body of world classic works could be redefined as belonging to this genre. Last evening was the beginning of the long-awaited Spring Break and thus I and my Critical Companion went to a bookstore where we spent a few hours looking at all the books we’d love to read if we had the time and afterwards we went to dinner and tried to come up with more ‘negative’ literary genres. So far we’ve got Coming of Middle Age instead of Coming of Age – instead of your mother dying and your dog being shot this genre commonly features your sports car crashing as well as your marriage followed subsequently of a quest for same-sex love – and The Mundane in place of of The Epic. In “Homer: the Mundane”, Homer stays at home with Penelope and one Friday night they make popcorn in the microwave while having a disinterested argument about whether to put cheese on them or not.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The article about church-hopping

My latest article in the “Världens gång” section of my hometown’s Göteborgs-Posten was published in the 15th of March. For many reasons, this article is special to me. For one thing, the title “On the Road into the American Soul” is an example of meta – it goes back to the title of my very first article in the same paper in December 2005: “På jakt efter den ryska själen” [“On the Hunt for the Russian Soul”]. As you probably already have noticed reading this blog, I’m a spiritual person who takes religion – all kinds of religion – seriously, thus it feels important to me to have expressed publicly how awesome I think going to church is. In this article I got to use a dialectal word from my hometown’s dialect [‘dreck’] – homage to Mother. Also I paid due respects to Daddy by writing about how we explored large parts of this country together when I was a teenager. In it I got to mention my dear friend K., and I got to confess that she’s my best friend. But as a girl can have more than one best friend, my homegirl Annie – who once again is the woman behind the scan above – should not be offended! I don’t think this article is as “funny” as my writing in this genre usually is (or pretends to be), but I’m content as I got to say something. Something that matters to me. And I got to play with my native language. Plus I got paid. It’s all good.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Semlor!

Yours truly devouring this year’s second – and final – semla.

On Friday afternoon the Swedish Discussion Club – colloquially called simply ‘Fika’ – was especially festive: we made semlor together. Many Americans asked: “What is semlor?” The most straight-forward answer is: “Swedish Mardi Gras food”. Officially lent began already on [Ash] Wednesday, but as this is no longer mainly a food-related occasion for protestants, nobody was particularly bothered by the belatedness of Friday’s event. This year for lent I’m giving up alcohol. Two weeks prior to this I started with a “sneak preview of 2011’s lent” by not consuming alcoholic beverages already during this time [in Swedish you can add the prefix ‘smyg-’ to any verb to make it denote an action not practiced out in the open (ex. ‘smygbörja med fastan’), done on the sly so to speak; alas! English lacks this function]. Am I craving a glass of red Zinfandel, a shot of ice-cold vodka, a crisp margarita yet? No. So far so good. One motivation for this year’s lent are the sneaking suspicions I’ve been having for some time know, namely that there is in me a tendency to drink a bit too much while attending official, public, and/or academic events where alcohol is always present and for free. Another motivation is that I truly enjoy alcohol and that this year I want to give up something I know it would be hard for me to go without and something that I would really miss. I think the purpose of lent is to give up what you think you can’t – or won’t – do without. Someone in my department is giving up dessert for lent. Now I would never do anything that drastic. Not that I did not consider giving up chocolate or cookies or everything else the sole thought about which gets me through these absurdly long days at the university. I did. But I realized I’d rather be called a bad Christian than live without a piece of Hershey’s milk chocolate every once in a while. Maybe I’ll do that next year. I also decided that I would read the Bible every morning instead of reading the news – like I did for five years straight and managed to read the Good Book from front to back five times in the same time frame. So for a few mornings I did this. For, as I figured, nothing ever happens anyway in the world. Naturally, the first week when I decide not to read the news an earthquake hits Japan…

On Friday I arrived in time for German class at 8 am and the professor says: “Did you hear about the tsunami?” I shake my head, what tsunami? “It was supposed to hit us at 8 am,” the professor continues and after this looks out the window. We all look out the window together during five minutes of pure silence, anticipating the tsunami. As it becomes more and more clear it will not hit us exactly at the allotted time, the professor decides we must return to grammar in general and subjunctive one in particular. It was a beautiful Berkeley moment.

The past week was busy – like every week it seems like right now, thankfully Spring Break is only one week away now – and my head felt at times like it was going to explode with thoughts and ideas and realizations. I’m in the midst of gathering raw contemplations for my Stanford paper, in which I will explore three different levels of folklore on the example of a chapter form Dostoevsky’s “Notes from the Dead House”: 1) the level of literary reworking of folkloric material, i.e. Dostoevsky’s deliberately literary mode of representation; 2) the level of orality, i.e. the genre of memorate and how it is framed both by Dostoevsky’s introduction of the narrator’s physical appearance, his manner of speaking, the listener’s role, and the general setting surrounding the event of narration [this is without a doubt the most difficult level to define and analyze]; and 3) the level of folklore ‘proper’: folk songs, proverbs, expressions, rituals, traditions, etc. I’m not sure what will come out of this. I’m slipping more and more into folklore.

More and more I come to understand what a beautiful life I do lead: last night my Critical Companion and I made lasagna together at her place and then watched a splendid Russian movie. Today I went on a two hour long run in 25+C and sunshine together with the visiting scholar from Norway and during our run she explained the presentation that she’s giving at the university on Monday to me and on the way back I discussed a couple of my own academic plans with her and received wonderful feedback. I believe I asked her such insightful a question regarding the final part of her presentation that she decided to finish the whole thing with it. I wish life could always be this intellectually and physically rewarding.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Нашей борьбе сегодня 100 лет

Happy 100th International Women’s Day!
Above: Installation with yellow flower and an emancipated woman’s current reading stack.
Yeah, these days I am indeed brushing up on my Ong.
And if my comrades behave, I might take the next post to explain in detail exactly why I’m thinking so much lately about things like folklore and literature, traditions of orality, the nature of the Russian ‘skaz’, etc. Hint: it is for my Stanford conference paper and it will be on Dostoevsky – the interface between “Notes from the Dead House” and “The Siberian Notebook” that is the short story “Akul’ka’s Husband”.

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Physical Palimpsest

Sometime back in August, I promised to never write a word about my department on this blog. Tonight I’m breaking this promise – though nobody will be mentioned by name – for it is simply to awesome a department not say good things about it in public. The past two days we have been visited by what is known in the American system of education as ‘prospective students’. These are made up of people who have been accepted to our program but have not yet decided if they will be joining our delightful team of graduate students next year. When I first heard about this, that such strangers would come into our workplace and steal two days from us when we could’ve – and indeed should’ve – been doing proper work, I was duly distraught. I didn’t realize what a wonderful opportunity this was going to be to meet future students as well as to interact with faculty members with whom we don’t get to hang out with all that much since we’re all so terribly busy all the time. Yesterday we showed them the sanctuary that is our library and then in the evening we threw them a party with the best pizza in Oakland. All today – Saturday – I spent being a most active member of our department; as I am in charge of ‘refreshments’ at our events this semester, I had to first go and buy this before the day’s intensive symposium together with a fellow graduate student who has a car. After the symposium – at which my brilliant colleagues showed the prospectives what we’re made of – we were all invited to a lovely dinner, where we mingled and enjoyed a pleasant time in each other’s company. I was surprised to find out that two of the prospective students also have a Dostoevsky tattoo each – both on their right shoulder, exactly where I have my Dostoevsky tattoo. The situation was funny at first, fascinating at second, and grotesque toward the end of the evening. One had a line from “Notes from the Underground” and the other a phrase from one of Dusty’s letter to his brother. Is this anything but a solid indication that Russian literature is a field undergoing some sort of revolution? That a new generation is about to take over the departments and the universities; a generation unafraid of proclaiming their profession in ink? I always considered my own tattoo the ultimate sign of dedication to my passion. When people think about Russian literature, they don’t always recognize how hard-core this choice can be – mostly people think ‘what nerds!’ and move on – though it is really challenging to spend years and years of your youth pursuing poverty; well, financially perhaps, but when we one day pass through those Pearly Gates we cannot bring anything with us but our soul. If it should ever be likened to anything, I think Russian literature is like boot camp for your soul.

In honor of one of my very great professors, I have decided to give you the story of my tattoo. Though it is essentially one creation, it was created in three steps in the three countries I have lived in [Sweden, Russia, USA] between the years 2003 and 2010, thus I’m calling it “Physical Palimpsest” – also in honor of the same fine professor who today called me ‘earthy’ at the party. I don’t think I’ve received a more fitting compliment so far this year. Yeah, I’m earthy.

Drying dollar bills in Odessa, Ukraine (sometime in June, 2004).
If you want to know why, ask my Mother…

Back in Siberia in 2005, when I added Раскольников to my mouse, I was still sometimes using a non-digital camera. So the earliest photograph of the new addition that I could find on my computer was this one – taken in Omsk on March 11th 2005. I like how it has a “1970’s French porn” feeling to it…


In August 2010 my little Rodia’s bow was painted pink, as it was intended from the very beginning. Here I am, in the middle of the process, in Champaign, Illinois.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

For My Sister, or Too Late for Snow Angels

Not only the poem but also the photographs are for my sister:
The first one is a Berkeley squirrel against a backdrop of… yes, Berkeley.

*

Is it too late for snow angels,
and too far for firmer grounds,
or too long for stronger winds
sticking to skin wet with rain
and unruly locks breaking free –
a world too large for recognition,
or too small for solitude.

All too lovable to surrender
our grip constantly hardening –
it is too late for snow angels?
Our youth too soon for wishing.
and age too abstract for dreaming,
or now is too fleeting for knowing
when we let go and when we stop
to find a mirror image in another ocean…

…yet as every body of water
smells similar, it moves us along
just the same as steady rhythms in a song
we knew years ago, heard on the road
of a childhood too slowly disappearing
somewhere in the rear window –
I can still feel your hand in mine.

Sister, it is not too late for snow angels.
 
*

About a month ago – when I realized that my sister was about to turn 18 – I began thinking about writing something for her, something that would be called “For My Sister, or What I Wish I Had Known at 18”. I have been writing it inside my head for the past month. Without a single word ending up on paper. The more I thought about myself at that age, about what life was like then and what I knew back then and what life has been between that time and the time also known as ‘now’, the more did I grow toward a realization that there’s nothing that I know at 25 which I wish I had already known at 18. It is not that I don’t want to share ‘words of wisdom’ from the other side, but it is simply so that there’s nothing I could say that my sister needs to know. Except what I wrote in the poem today. All you need to know right now, my dear sister, is that it is never too late for snow angels. I took a day off today and went down to the Berkeley Marina and spent some time with myself and the rain by the ocean. And that’s when I remembered that I had not made a snow angel this year. And that there’s no possibility for me to make one here. Yet it does not mean it is too late for snow angels. Perhaps that is not all it means. These are the words that came to me today as I walked by the ocean and thought about what I learned between here and 18. I don’t think I learned all that much in the end. Perhaps I’m reluctant to say anything to my sister about how she should live her life because I believe in making mistakes and I believe in having no regrets.